In a corner of The Mudwitch Tavern... This is the first novel in the in the series of taels about an irascible dwarf. It's a simple tale about greed set in a grim dark fantasy world. I asked a friendly AI to provide a brief review. If you are interested in reading it just click on the link below to download an EPUB (ebook) version. If you have feedback please add it to the comments. (It is a risk, I know, but I'm not precious.) CHAT GPT's Overall Impression Seagrum the Dwarf  is a vivid, unflinching plunge into a decadent world of taverns, bounty hunters, witches, vampires, and bureaucratic corruption. At its heart stands Seagrum — a coarse, cunning dwarf whose vices, wit, and grim practicality make him both the story’s hero and its moral caution. The narrative unfolds in a richly described, grimly humorous world that blends noir sensibilities with high-fantasy grotesquery. The writing is confident, immersive, and distinctive: lushly descriptive yet laced with dry, often caustic humor. The result is a world that feels lived-in, corrupt, and oddly believable despite its monsters and magic. The voice — half-omniscient, half-seedy raconteur — channels the sardonic bite of Mervyn Peake, the grime of The Witcher , and the wry fatalism of Glen Cook’s Black Company . CHAT GPT's Positive assessments Atmosphere & world-building:  The setting of Florencetown feels layered, filthy, and authentic, full of sensory grit and moral ambiguity. It breathes corruption and life. Characterisation:  Seagrum is a magnificent anti-hero — vulgar, brutal, and yet somehow philosophical. Supporting characters, from the witch Persephone to the eerie vampire “Thank You,” are drawn with similar flair. Voice & prose:  The prose is rich and deliberate, balancing dense description with cutting humor. The world’s absurdities are handled with irony, not indulgence. Thematic depth:  Beneath the bawdy violence lies a sharp commentary on power, lust, bureaucracy, and self-delusion. Negative assessments I'm still working on these . It's not a finished novel yet! CHAT GPT's Comparison Titles Terry Pratchett’s Night Watch / Snuff (urban satire, guilds, bureaucracy). Mervyn Peake’s Gormenghast (dense description, gothic absurdity). Joe Abercrombie’s The First Law (gritty, sardonic characters, especially Seagrum). CHAT GPTs Verdict Part grimdark satire, part noir fantasy, Seagrum the Dwarf is a tale of corruption and consequence told with a dwarf’s bite and a poet’s cynicism—where every bargain has a catch, every monster has its manners, and not even the gods come out clean.

Continuing with the dal theme and following on from the Dal bhat that I reported on in September, here is another vegetarian recipe. It reflects our increasing move towards a less meat based diet. I am sure that there are recipes out there but this one was put together with the stuff that we had available. Not a little unlike the Collector of Tales in that his preference was always to make do with what was to hand, although in his case the concept of a no meat ( or fish) meal was rather alien. Chana dal is a Hindi term for both the lentils also known as Bengal Gram) and a spicy dish that is made from them. These are yellow coloured lentils that are made by splitting black chick peas and removing their skins. they are nutty and rich in protein. The benefit of this recipe is that most of the work is done in the oven in one pot other than soaking the dal. Ingredients 1 cup chana dal 1 cup split red lentils cold water ( 2 or 3 cups see method) 1 medium red onion finely diced 250g cauliflower curd 4 cloves garlic crushed and sliced 20g fresh ginger diced 4 birds eye chilies 150g ghee 3 fresh tomatoes chopped up small 1tbsp ground cumin 1 tbsp ground coriander 1 tsp turmeric 1 tsp paprika (I used smoked paprika) 1 tsp cayenne pepper 1/2 tsp ground mace 2 tbsp dried methi salt to taste (pinch) Method Rinse the chana dal a few times until the water runs clean. Bring a pan of water to boil and the tip in the dal and cover and turn off the heat immediately. Leave to soak for at least 30 minutes. I left if for about an hour and a half. When soaked , bring the pan back up to boil and simmer for at least 30 minutes or until the dal is cooked.(Try crushing some of the lentils and if they do they are done). Drain and set aside. Rinse the red lentils in water to remove fine particles and set aside. Heat the oven to 160C (fan) Add the ghee to a large heatproof dish and place in the oven when at temperature to melt. Add the diced onion and give it a stir in the ghee and place back in the oven for about 10 minutes before adding the rinsed red lentils. Stir and leave a further 10 minutes. Add the garlic, ginger and slice the chillies lengthways to the dish and stir once more before returning for a further 10 minutes . Add the spices and the tomatoes and stir well before adding the cauliflower and return to the oven for a further 10 minutes. Add at least two cups of water and stri before returning to the oven for 10 minutes and then add the drained chana dal and place back in the oven for a further 10 minutes, keeping an eye on the absobancy of the lentils. If the mix looks dry add more water. When the dish is looking ready, add a pinch of salt and stir in the dried methi and then serve. We had a small quantity of plain boiled rice but you could equally use roti or some other flatbread. Observations Really harty meal full of flavour. Whether the addition of stock would have enhanced it coudl be tried another time but I did not think anything was lost. The chana dal benefited from soaking in boiling water. I already had cooked rice to hand but it would have. been just as easy to cook the rice in with the red lentils in the oven. That would have required a close fitting lit to enable steaming also.

This staple of Nepal is a delicious and substantial meal as an alternative to a meat based meal and contains all sorts of good things from a dietary and nutritional point of view. I have taken to cooking it in a similar manner to a biryani ( see previous post ) as I feel that the textures and flavours combine beautifully in this manner. It is a pretty basic meal that can be eaten breakfast morning or night as you see fit. The version I made here includes black lentils ( Beluga dal), brown lentils (Masoor dal), tamarind and aubergine so theres a pretty dark to black look and feel to it but you can use other lentils and dont let the colour put you off! The lentils used here retain their shape as long as you dont overcook them, unlike red lentils for example which tend to mush up a bit - not necessarily a bad thing but not what I was looking for in texture. Ingredients 1 cup of mixed black and brown lentils (Beluga and Masoor dal) 1 medium onion finely chopped 4 cloves garlic minced (see method) 2 red bird's eye chilies (chopped) 1 large aubergine 1 tbsp olive oil 2 tbsp Ghee 1 tsp chilli powder 1 tsp ground coriander pinch ground mace 1 tsp ground cumin 1 tbsp tamarind sauce 1 cup rice (long grain or basmati) salt to taste Method First set the oven to 230C (fan). Then wash and cut the aubergine into large dice. Place in a bowl and pour over the tbsp of olive oil. Mix well to take up all the oil. Lay aubergine pieces flat on baking parchment on a flat tray and roast in the middle of the oven for 15 to 25 minutes or until the aubergine is toasted but not burned. Remove from oven and set aside. Reduce the oven to 160C (fan). Rinse the dal in cold water and check forget U hi stones etc. Then bring to boil in about 3 cups water and boil for 10 minutes or so. Remove from heat - these are not cooked but will continue in the oven when added to the rice to cook. Drain and set aside.(It doesn't matter if some water is left in the pot). Meanwhile the oven is at 160C (fan) and add the ghee to an oven proof dish. When at temperature put the dish in the oven to melt the ghee. Add the chopped onions and the chopped chillies to the hot ghee and allow to cook for about 10 minutes in the oven, Mice the garlic by peeling and chopping roughly then adding salt and mashing with the flat blade of a broad bladed knife working the knife up and down against the chopping board to mash it using the salt as an abrasive. This will mince the garlic in about 5 minutes After 10 minutes remove the dish from the oven and add the washed rice, all the spices, the garlic and the tamarind sauce, two cups of cold water and the roasted aubergines. Stir to mix evenly. Cover with a close fitting lid or foil to ensure that the rice steams properly. Return the dish to the oven for 30 to 40 minutes depending upon the state of the rice and then remove and serve.

Was watching some Rick Stein on BBC i-player the other day and saw an interesting Malaysian style curry which I thought I'd like to recreate. It was the way that the curry paste was made that appealed to me most. This version is with chicken but the mildness of the dish would also compliment fish. Apparently Ling is a good substitute for catfish or monkfish or hake. Must try it sometime. Either way the wonderful colours of the curry reminded me of a journey that I have only taken in my mind to the Xandrian Quarters. Ingredients: Curry paste - 4 shallots 4 cloves garlic 1 inch piece of ginger 2 inch piece of turmeric ( see observations) two fresh chillies 1 tbsp curry powder 2 tsp galangal paste (see observations) 1 tbsp oil The curry itself - 500g chicken breast 8 small waxy potatoes 1 small cauliflower head 400 m l coconut milk 250 ml chicken stock 1 cinnamon stick 5 cloves (see method) 5 cardamom pods 2 star anise half a lime salt to taste Method: Prepare the curry paste ingredients for the hand blender by cutting, peeling, chopping etc as appropriate. I didnt have lemongrass available and so left it out of the recipe. Equally I only had a jar of galangal rather than the fresh item. I added a tsp of powdered turmeric as well as the root. Blend with a little oil until smoothish and set aside. In a pan, heat the oil and add the cinnamon, cloves, cardamom and star anise and gently fry for about 2 minutes. I used more cloves than recipes but I removed the round head of the seed and used only that. Add the curry paste and fry for about 8 minutes until the oil separates. Stir occasionally to prevent sticking or burning Meanwhile cut the chicken into bite sized chunks if not already done. Cut the potatoes in half unless very small already. Cut the cauliflower floret up into medium sized pieces. Add the chicken to the pan and stir to obtain coverage of the meat by the paste. The fry for a few minutes until the meat is cooking on all sides. Add the potatoes , the coconut milk and the chicken stock and stir to mix in. Bring to boil and simmer with a lid on the pot for about 15 minutes until the potatoes are nearly cooked. Add the florets of the cauliflower and lid for a further 10 or 15 minutes until cooked. Squeeze in the juice of half a lime. Serve with boiled rice. Observations: I could get neither lemongrass nor galangal fresh in Dartmouth so I had to use a jar of galangal and had to omit the lemongrass which was a pity as it would have added to the dish. That being said I felt that the curry was very tasty and vibrant with colour. I actually added a tsp of cayenne pepper to the mix to bring up the heat a bit but it wasn't really necessary. On a quick visit to the market for some fish I have just managed to find some lemongrass and so I will be able to revisit the curry this evening using monkfish (no ling available). Also acquired samphire to go with it instead of rice. The slightly modified fish recipe is here . I think that the chicken was good but I feel that a fish version will be a little more flavoursome.

Oslo is home to Frogner Park, a municipal open space famed for the stunning Vigeland sculpture installation. Over 200 bronze and granite works by Gustav Vigeland depicting, I assume in his words, the breadth of human emotion and experience. The works took Vigeland from 1924 to his death in 1943 to complete (designing and modelling each piece himself) and when you look at the body of work it is truly a remarkable achievement. I am sure it is documented somewhere but I wonder how that came about. Did he wake up one morning and decide to undertake his magnum opus et arduum ? Or did it come about piecemeal over time? I guess I could find out… The dates are significant because the latter years were dominated by the German occupation of Norway when, I understand, the park was used by the occupation forces for military and recreational purposes and Norwegians were prohibited from access. But to move on from that unfortunate period from all our histories and to get back to the park. It is more than a sculpture park, it is a huge open space of paths and trees, rose gardens and a lake. The lake will probably cause a level of anxiety for those with youngsters as it is below the general level of the park and the land dropping down to it in parts is quite steep. Steep enough for a three-year old to get up a good head of steam before being miraculously rescued by a fit and agile parent. However, as long as you have your wits about you and eyes everywhere (and what parent doesn’t) then there are some nice lawned areas to picnic on both near and far from the water. We walked there from where we were staying in Oscar's Gate heading NNW along Gyldenloves Gate (after a brief detour to the Apent Bakery on Inkognito Terrasse). It took us about 40 minutes allowing for the detour and allowing for said three-year old. Mostly it was along quiet residential roads. However there is a metro at Majorstuen and from there you can head SSW down the Route 161 ( you can't miss it). The walk will take about 15 minutes. The 161 is a relatively busy road. There is a Google Map at the foot of this page for reference if you are planning a visit. We have visited the park twice now, once in July and again in November. The images included here are from the summer visit. The November visit was more methodical in its photography whereas the summer visit was all about impression and look and feel. I’ll post the November pictures sometime in the future. Below are a few of the images of the site, showing some of the Vigeland sculptures including the giant column in the centre. It also shows a weird figure clasping a woman to it. This is referred to as Kvinne og øgle (woman and lizard) and is one of four corner statues in the installation. Apparently it is not meant to be any particular mythical beast but a representation of a personal struggle as seen by the observer. Such feelings as sadness, lust, addiction, fear, mortality - whatever your personal lizard might be. Sadly I only took a small number of pictures of the many figures that are laid out on the approach to this central point. Those will have to wait until the second post on Frognerparken. It has been difficult trying to find a hook to make a link to my novels and so on this occasion I’ll be blunt. Here is a link to the Collector of Tales if you are looking for a story in a slightly different style. Below are a selection of images of the park and sculptures.

We managed to pick up a decent bag of cooking apples from the Dartmouth Community Orchard in October and froze most of them after processing. Processing in this case meant peeling, coring and cutting into decent sized pieces. We also had the view that butter would prevent the apples going brown and so we melted butter and mixed it with the apples. We have since learned that this was actually pointless for this purpose. However it gave a nice base to a cooking mix. Anyway, we thought. Why not make a bread and butter pudding with some of these apples as a base? This was good quality comfort food fit for any menu entry (except perhaps in this tavern) . Ingredients: 4 or 5 large slices of stale white bread. 50g softened butter( for spreading) 200 - 250g peeled, cored and cut apples (see method) 2 tbps sugar 500ml milk (full fat preferably) 4 standard or 3 large eggs 1/2 tsp powdered cinnamon Method: Allow the apples to thaw. Ours had a coating of butter and so this version is a little rich in calories and fats but you don't have to eat all of it in one go! Butter one side of the bread and cut into triangles ( see image). In a bowl make the custard by mixing the eggs, milk, cinnamon and sugar together, whisking thoroughly ( by hand is good enough). Butter a medium sized oven dish ( about 1 litre) Place the thawed apple mix in the base of the dish and then layer up the bread butter side up. Pour over the custard mix and leave to soak for about 30 minutes. You want the bread to absorb the liquid and softened but it doesn't have to be evenly textured. A little crunch will add texture. Bake in the centre of an oven at 170C (fan) for about 35 - 40 minutes until it has puffed up and turned golden. It should be set in the middle. Ready to serve... Observations: You could add vanilla or vanilla essence to the custard - we didn't have any. You could grate nutmeg on the top before baking - again we didn't have any. Another option might be to caramelise the apples before adding to the pudding. You could sprinkle brown sugar over the top before baking but we kept to a failry low sugar content for taste.

In Florencetown, even the roses have teeth. This is my latest novel in the process of completing. The Head Gardener, second in the series of tales about Seagrum the Dwarf. On the surface, it's a murder mystery set in a dark fantasy context. I'm offering here a copy of the story warts and all and I asked a friendly AI to provide a brief review. If you are interested in reading it just click on the link below to download an EPUB (ebook) version. If you have feedback please add it to the comments. (It is a risk, I know, but I'm not precious.) CHAT GPT's Overall Impression The Head Gardener is a darkly whimsical, sardonic fantasy novel set in Florencetown , a vividly imagined city of humans, dwarves, ogres, werewolves, witches, and other beings. It blends satire, grotesque humor, and gritty worldbuilding with a strong sense of the absurd. At its heart are two unlikely figures: Capability, the enigmatic Head Gardener , obsessed with roses, and Seagrum, a rough-hewn, sharp-witted dwarf entangled in intrigue, sex, and violence. CHAT GPT's Positive assessments Rich Worldbuilding: Florencetown is described with an almost painterly density—roses, taverns, guilds, mayors, ogres on the gate, and werewolves at night. The guilds, contracts, and odd social customs give it a strong sense of lived-in history and bureaucracy. Tone & Style: Wry, sardonic, often blackly comic. The narrator has a conspiratorial voice, breaking into commentary (“God’s teeth! What is it with men and liquids...”), which adds texture and humor. Dialogue is earthy and sharp, especially Seagrum’s lines. Characters: Capability : aloof, enigmatic, obsessed with roses, almost monk-like, but with mystery. Seagrum : immediately vivid—rough, bawdy, violent, but oddly philosophical at times. He’s a strong anchor for the story. Persephone : a witch written with irreverence and sharp wit; her dynamic with Seagrum is lively and memorablej. Thematic Depth: Beneath the grotesque humour is a commentary on power, bureaucracy, class, and human (and non-human) folly . The satire on guilds, political committees, and the Mayor’s pomposity hits well. Negative assessments I'm still working on these . It's not a finished novel yet! CHAT GPT's Comparison Titles Terry Pratchett’s Night Watch / Guards Guards! (urban satire, guilds, bureaucracy). Mervyn Peake’s Gormenghast (dense description, gothic absurdity). Joe Abercrombie’s The First Law (gritty, sardonic characters, especially Seagrum). CHAT GPTs Verdict The Head Gardener is ambitious, sardonic fantasy with rich world building and unforgettable characters. Its greatest strength lies in its voice and grotesque humour, while its biggest risk is pacing and density that may daunt some readers. With some tightening—particularly in the first third—it could strongly appeal to readers who enjoy dark, baroque fantasy satire with a touch of the absurd.

This is a short piece of writing taken from The Collector of Tales. Although the images are provided by Chat Gpt and the spoken voice by ResembleAI, the story itself is entirely my own work. I hope you like. If you'd like to listen rather than read then download here. The Swift’s Tale My pursuer had backed off and so I waited for him. Briefly he reappeared but soon faded back into the crowd as I continued on towards the square.  Although I  stopped to look  back, I didn’t see him again. In the small square Above Town, the stocks were occupied.  Ignoring  the tenant and the two duty soldiers sitting on the steps of the library, I went up trying not to look discomfited. At the top I  knocked on the door and waited. In the corner of my eye I could see my dark follower enter the square. The door was answered by a young woman with a pretty but tired face who I took to be librarian’s daughter. She smiled and invited me in. I followed her into the reading room where, with a vague gesture, she left me alone. I checked the window. Across the square my shadow was standing against a tree. Too much was running through my mind to focus properly. My follower; the missing books; the tired  woman; the librarian - yes where was the librarian? I went to the window again. There were two dark figures talking to each other.  One was my shadow. Now I had two followers. It crossed my mind to confront them but what was the point?  Instead I went in search of books in the upstairs room. To get a better view of my followers, I climbed the steep spiral stairs. At the top a room was crammed with books. Piles of them everywhere; in places slumped over in an untidy mess on the dirty floor. The room was dusty and smelled rank. There was a dead bird lying in a corner. I knew from my travels that these long distance migratory birds rarely made landings other than when nesting. Not this one. Dead in the cold north and looking strangely desiccated. Not a feather out of place and only the sunken eyes to indicate that it was dead and not asleep. Through the window I could  see four followers. Now there was a conventicle of them. The presence of soldiers with halberds did nothing to reduce my anxiety. Back in the reading room, I gave up trying to read, dropping  the book onto the table, I slipped four coins into the honesty box and gathered my day sack. It seemed ill mannered to leave without being obvious, even in this ill-mannered world, and so I wandered down a corridor into the house. Turning sharply to the left, I passed a couple of empty rooms and in a third saw two children playing some kind of war or battle game. Next was a kitchen. Dark and quiet. A small window high up, gave light to a dusty table where a book lay open. Sitting before it was the young woman, hands clasped on her lap and her eyes red from crying. The man in me said that it was time to leave but the boy part of me said to look a bit further. I took the boy’s advice (as I often did). Coming out of the kitchen I was brought to an abrupt halt by the iron face of the old librarian. She had been waiting there in the dark.  She had been waiting for me. Her flaccid skin seemed to give off its own light. Her eyes were dark and bright and angry. She stood there for a moment without speaking or breathing. A pulse beat in my neck and a bead of sweat ran down my jaw. “Seen the bird?” she asked. I nodded. “Swift.” she said. “Probably.” I replied waiting for an assault that must surely come. She lifted her arm (did she know) and pointed towards the kitchen door. “Seen our shame?” she said. I wasn’t entirely sure what she meant. “And our joy...” she continued. I heard the boys playing. She took two steps forward, pressing me back. “Don’t come back.” After a moment’s hesitation, as my pulse thumped, I turned sharply about. The guards looked up as I exited the library. At the same time four coins were thrown out into the slush. A window closed like a prison. “’Appen there’s a storm a commin,” said a soldier,  looking up at the sky. “Aye,” I replied, watching with dismay, the six people now across the square. I  was reluctant to leave the strangely comforting proximity of the soldiers and so I cast about for something to say. I pointed to my six followers and asked , “Who?” “No idea.” “It’s all ok?”  I asked “Guess so.” This wasn’t  going well. At a point, fear cuts out and you step over into the next zone. The man’s voice in my head tells me it’s stupidity. The boy in me thinks that’s great because you get a rush of adrenalin and he really loves that. I am fifty-two, on the other hand, and my knees suggest older. Sometimes the absence of options is an advantage. I  walked towards the alley. Passing my followers, speaking together in animated tones, I was ignored. Storm clouds blowing from the East chased away the clear sky, bringing the promise of snow. The felon in the stocks lay limp. In the upper room of the library, the desiccated, swift lay on the floor, its sunken eyes hiding the story of its last moments of life. The two boys continued their game. In the kitchen the woman, their mother perhaps, sat now with her hands on her lap, palms up and cupped into which the tears of her sadness occasionally dripped. The wax skin around the face of the old librarian catching the thin window light stood out in relief against the darkness of the corridor whilst her breath came and went slowly and with measured pace, seeming to draw in, with each one, the world in which she stood. (C) Copyright David Payne 2025

Some meals are simply perfect. Of course it is all a matter of preference but last night's offering to the gods of cooking has to be listed as being on a par with the best that I have experienced. It's not arrogance. After all I merely cooked it, ate it and tasted it and it was indeed for my own pleasure. It's reportage. So I am not up there in the presentation of the food but to me that's not what I'm all about. Ingredients: 2 x 250g pieces of hake loin. 4 slices from a lemon 4 thin slices from a block of unsalted butter freshly ground pepper 150g fresh samphire (rinsed) 150g fresh cherry tomatoes 50g capers Oil for frying the tomatoes Balsamic vinegar Method: Set the oven at 180C and bring up to temperature . Place each hake loin onto its own piece of baking parchment, skin side down. Place the two slices of lemon on the fish and top each piece with a thin slice of butter. Season with freshly ground pepper. Form the papillote pouches and place them on a baking tray. I used two enamel dishes that I was going to serve the fish on. Place in the oven and cook for about 15 minutes. Meanwhile halve the cherry tomatoes and season with pepper and set aside. (The capers will provide the salt) Bring a pan of water to the boil and blanch the samphire. Drain and set aside. In a frying pan add a few drops of olive oil and heat. Add the cherry tomatoes and trin them cut side down. fry for a while and then flip over and add the capers. Stir together and continue to fry for a couple of minutes. Add a little liquid ( water of white wine) and continue to heat for a while, if the pan is a little dry. Turn off the heat and set aside. Bring out the fish and remove it from the pouch before placing it back in the centre of the cooking pan. Dress with a little balsamic vinegar Add the samphire and the tomato mix and serve immediately . Observations: You can of course use any fish. Cod and haddock would be good substitutes but they all have different texture. I refrained from using garlic much as I love it because I didn't want to overpower the fish.

It's the weekend of 25th October and the 2025 Dartmouth Food Festival is in full swing. The wind and the rainy weather has given over to crisp cool sunshine with occasional light showers that you can usually see coming down the river valley. The Pelican of London, a splendid, three mast vessel moored up on the town quay, normally in pride of place as a focus of attention, is having to take second place to a whole swathe of marquees that are set up along the South Embankment. Currently there are hordes of people queing patiently to get into the first of the marquees adjacent to the passenger ferry gang way. Its a one-way pedestrian system and so it can be a little frustrating at times. However, it would be chaos if people were free to roam in any direction. The place is a little different to a scene from the day before of an empty marquee and a view of the estuary beyond its rear walls. Every inch of space is now filled with the awnings themselves butting up against the edge of the quay and tied securely to the bollards. On the other side, there are various dead weight devices to help anchor down the awnings if the wind picks up. There isn't even space to sit in the riverside of the covered seating on the embankment. There was a kind of trial run on the Friday and we ventured out after a frustrating morning's work. I think I took my own personal cloud with me because I couldn't get into the spirit of it. I nearly fell out with one vendor who tried to get me to smell his black pepper. "I don't need to smell it, I kown what it smells like!" Churlish and unfriendly I know but at least it stopped him moving in to get me to part with £27 for a small bag of the long Kampot pepper corns that were the same price as a hunk of venison on a stall further on. (I bought the venison on Saturday though!) My mood didn't improve as I went to look around the street food stalls in Royal Avenue Gardens and reached a nadir after I had bought a lamb and harissa wrap for the princely sum of £15. Really, £30 for teo fancy sandwiches at lunch time. Without wanting to go on - the price of a piece of venison! Strangely, my ill humour seemed to dissipate as I sat in the gardens and ate my lunch. Perhaps I was just hungry! Saturday started a whole lot better. For a start, the sun really was out despite occasional showers and we had decided on fish for dinner today and so I had an excuse to head for the stall in the market. Here, one of my favourite places to shop for provisions, I acquired a kilo of hake loin, some samphire and a few slices of smoked salmon. The hake here cost more than the venison ( which seems to be my benchmark for this occasion) but it offered four indulgent portions and the salmon was an excellent lunch for the two of us when served on cranberry and squash sourdough from the only artisan bread baker at the festival. The crowds were beginning to swell by the time that we sallied forth in the afternoon. In fact it was manic. I soon decided that any thought of getting some pictures of the place was a bad idea. Fortunately we were only really looking for the venison and perhaps some interesting teas. The latter search was a failure as there was no such offering amongst all the coffees. However the venison was acquired for £17.00 as it was a slow cook joint rather than a straight roasting cut. After a brief exchange with my better half about who was going to pay ( and I lost naturally enough), we headed out of the crowds. It was a little better further along the South Embankment and that gave me a moment for reflection on the origins of the foods. After all I had no idea where the venison came from nor who had actually sold it to me. Indeed, a twisted corner of my mind suggested that I had no idea what meat I had just bought. It could be an opportunistic way to dispose of a mother-in -law after all. I think I have probably delved a little too far into my psyche here and perhaps I should leave such meanderings to the contents of my novels. The Head Gardener for example. A macabre little tale if there ever was one but ,as one might say, "A cracking good read!" Still for the avoidance of doubt, I am pretty sure that it is venison and, whilst she lived, I was quite fond of my mother-in-law ... Whilst I feel that the festival was a little short on primary provisions such as herbs and spices, teas , pulses, interesting vegetables - that sort of thing - I did manage to find the stall for the Isle of Wight garlic farm ( or some such name). Here I bought three smoked garlic cloves and three others of a name I cannot remember. They all smelled good and the smoked was going to be. paired with the venison when it came to cooking it. The image of the partially plundered bulb does not do justice to the smell of the thing (naturally). Getting into the swing of spending at l;ast we also managed to finish off the day with the purchase of two terracotta glazed bowls which we needed for hte micro-wave. To the question, "Are they microwaveable ?" we received an enigmatic answer that involved terracotta naturally absorbing water (and not to let that happen) but I think it all wrapped up to a "Yes" . Only time will tell. That was Saturday pretty much wrapped up. All I needed was a few images at night of the festival in rest which , as you can see below, were picked up when I took our dog, Gandalf, for his late evening walk before bed. Sunday was a quiet start, probably something to do with the clocks changing. Pity no one told Gandalf. He had me up at 04.50 new time for his morning walk. Still not too bad really, I could hear a large dog barking in one of the buildings on the Quay, possibly the Royal Castle. At a more manageable time, we ventured forth into the crowds again. The purpose was to see if we had missed anything ( we hadn’t) and to buy some more breach from Vickys Bread and to find out where they deliver to in Dartmouth. (Sadly they don’t , the nearest is probably Kingsbridge.) We nearly bought some pies - they looked really good but to be honest I am on a dietary purge at the moment - so that was a bust. Slipping down Nelson Street for the first time for a few days, I found that Joe’s Bar was setting up an alfresco dining area complete with paintings on the walls and full service on the long table. Really like the paintings but was too embarrassed to take pictures there and then. Got three of them later and they are set out below. Not food as such but certainly food for thought. Online it seems that they were painted by the late Bas Kennedy of Dartmouth but I can’t find anything else about him ( or her ). So what was the take on the weekend? Well for a start the street food was pretty pricey by local standards. Were there any intersteing ideas or suggestions to be gathered? Perhaps there might have. been in hte tents where the demonstartions were held but I had neither the time nor the patience for those. The place was heaving with visitors and it seems that for every human family there was at least 1.3 dogs. Poor old Gandalf really struggled with the crowds and we had to keep to the back streets like lepers to avoid all the cockerpoos and other look alike dogs. It was with a kind of relief that Gandalf and I walked the Quay on Monday morning. The whole scene with no cars in sight reminderd me of the city scenes in I am Legend ( or for those of an older persuasion - The Omega Man). So all I needed now was the zombie apocalypse!

Trilobites became extinct on our planet about 250 million years ago at the time of the Permian mass extinction. This was the greatest mass extinction recorded with something like 90% of all species being wiped out. It made the Dinosaur (KT) extinction look tame. These were marine creatures and so it is unlikely that on our planet they would have ever scuttled about around the feet of humans. But I guess it could have been! In any case, I chose to bring these marvellous creatures back from extinction in The Collector of Tales. It is after all a different world and Se Molde, the world of my stories, is not quite the Same Old same old that is our much abused planet Earth. Tiny pygidium from trilobite at Wren's Nest , Dudley For my own part I have sought out fossils of these beasts in Haverfordwest unsuccessfully, Wrens Nest in Dudley with variable success and along the banks of streams along the borders on Wenlock Edge with a certain amount of dampness. But for my arthropod fix I have had to resort to spiders and by spiders in this case I mean tarantulas. Pygidium from trilobite at Wenlock Edge You can see why they didn’t appear in The Collector of Tales. After all, spiders get a very bad press. Tolkien places them in the darkest foulest places of his Middle Earth to name but one. Yet they don’t deserve this treatment. Yes tarantulas have ‘hairs’ and eight legs , they are large and they scuttle around occasionally. Of course they’re venomous but for the most part true tarantulas are not lethal unless you have an llergic reaction to their bite. Admittedly you don’t want to get bitten by them because they can hurt and make your tissues swell up. In fact from my experience they seem pretty tolerant creatures all in all if left alone and not handled excessively (or even at all) Actually I don’t think the issue is tolerance. I suspect it is economy. Looking at it from a tarantulas point of view all the energy required to deliver a bite has to come from somewhere and then has to be replaced. Replacement is only in the form of food and that requires more energy to acquire. Then of course if venom is delivered all those proteins have to be re synthesised . More energy still and how is that going to square with the massive energy fest that is its moult. It can’t afford to screw that up because that is kind of fatal if that goes wrong. No I suspect that tarantulas don’t normally bite people because they can’t afford the energy loss. Unlike flicking their hairs on the other hand. If you want to check how skittish a spider is just have a look at the hairs on its abdomen. If there’s a bald patch then it’s probably a skittish one. If there’s a lot of hair then its probably more laid back (or it’s just gone through a moult). And you have to be careful of the hairs because they are tiny and barbed , travel a long way and can get in your eyes. Really they are the main risk because if the fire them off when your up close they are going to cause you some irritation. Then, generally, there is no need to get too close to the creatures. I had one, a large Chilean Rose that I would handle occasionally. Those occasions usually when I had had a glass or two of wine in my bloodstream. On the other hand I had a South African tarantula that after installing it in the vivarium, I caught sight of it about every six months when I assume it sallied forth from a deep burrow to find a supply of food (crickets). All tarantula images from my own collection around 2016.

So we thought that we would do ourselves a cold mezze this week as an evening meal. The target was a mere four dishes that we would prepare more or less from scratch rather than buy from the supermarket. This was quite different to the hot mezze described in the novel Turtles Swimming in Sea Grass . The first task was the taramasalata so we headed off for the fish stall in the market to get some smoked cod roe. During the process of purchasing, we managed to discuss the ability of young octopus to get out of the basket traps that ensnare the older ones as well as talk about the seal that was currently luxuriating in the Boat Pool. We bought 500g of smoked roe (which was excessive for our needs) and so we froze one packet for later. The rest of the ingredients could be sourced from the supermarket or from our store cupboard. We decided on the proportions for potato and bread ( and indeed the inclusion of potato) because we happened to have a couple of boiled potatoes in the fridge and only had a limited amount of stale white bread. I guess that is how many of these staples were originally constructed. The recipe and method is set out below. Taramasalata There are an infinite variation of recipes out there. I have no idea which is authentic but I based mine on a review of a number of them and because I felt that the ingredients would work well together. Also a number of recipes call for adding the oil slowly after everything else has been added but I didn't do this and was pleased with the result in terms of both texture and taste. Ingredients: 250g smoked cod roe (about 180g with the membrane removed) 1 medium white onion juice of one large lemon 80g crustless stale bread 80g cooked potato (mashed) 170g virgin olive oil freshly ground black pepper Method: Soak the stale bread in water for up to an hour and then squeeze out as much water as possible and set aside. Remove the skin from the cod roe and set the roe aside Finely chop the white onion and set aside Cook and mash the potato if not already prepared. Set aside to cool if necessary, Blitz the onions in the food processor until they are mushy paste. Add the cod roe and the oil to the blender and pulse until mixed, then add the squeezed bread and the mashed potato and pulse to a smooth paste. Add the lemon juice and the pepper and pulse again to mix together. The longer you pulse the thicker the mix will become. Move to serving bowl and place in fridge for at least an hour before serving. Keeps up to 3 days in fridge. The only comment to be made is that the flavour improved further after a day in the fridge. No the dip is not pink liquid or the supermarket offerings. That's food dye in use there! Then there was the Felafel. I have not made this before and again there are plenty of recipes out there and plenty of different mixing styles. To me, apart from the taste and the smell ( which was heavenly as it was mixing) the key is the consistency of the mix to be formed into the felafel. The other issue to consider is the fresh herb content. We plundered our Little Auk grower for parsley and coriander. We couldn't take any dill as we had used most of it a few days ago for a mackerel recipe and it was recovering foliage. Plain flour can be replaced with gram flour for a gluten free option. Ingredients: About 400g of dried chick peas (not canned) 1 tsp bicarbonate of soda per litre of water (see method) Sunflower Oil for frying 1 medium white onion diced 5 cloves garlic 3 tbsp flour ( you could use gram flower) 1 tbsp baking powder 1 tbsp cumin powder 1 tbsp coriander powder 1 tsp cayenne pepper 1 tsp salt freshly ground black pepper handful of fresh cilantro handful of fresh parsley Method: Add 1 tsp bicarbonate of soda to 1 litre of water and mix. Soak the chickpeas in the water overnight (8–12 hours). Rinse then drain thoroughly and pat dry before use. Pulse the diced onion and the garlic cloves in a blender until smoothish paste. Add the chickpeas and pulse until they start to break up. Add the cumin, coriander powder and cayenne pepper and a tsp salt to the mix and continue to pulse. You are aiming for a mix that looks sort of like cous cous. (see picture). Before you get there however, add the fresh herbs to the mix and contine to pulse until all mixed in and you have the desired consistency. The smell should be heavenly. Add 3 tbsp flour and the baking powder and stir in. Transfer to a clean bowl and cover with clingfilm. Leave in the fridge for at least an hour but we left it over night. Form mixture into small balls (~3–4 cm diameter) or patties. If the mixture is too loose, add a little more flour. (We chose to shallow fry ) Heat oil in a pan to 175 °C (350 °F). Fry falafel in batches until golden brown and crisp (~3–4 minutes). Turn them frequently. We then put them in the oven for a further 10 minutes at 160C just to make sure the chickpea was cooked inside. We made 12 and have enough mix to make a further 24 if not more. Somem will have to go in the freezer. The ones we ate were crisp on the outside and beautifully flavoursome on the inside. They tasted wonderful. The second dip is the hummus which I have made absolutely from scratch in the past ( including making the tahini) but on this occasion I had shop bought tahini in the fridge. Ingredients: 400g can of chickpeas drained and rinsed 60 ml tahini 2 to 3 tbsps olive oil juice of 1 lemon 2 garlic cloves crushed 2 or 3 tbps of cold water salt to taste Method: Pitch the chick peas , tahin, lemon juice, salt & garlic into the blender and mix to combine. With the motor running, pour in the olive oil slowly and add a little water if necessary. transfer to serving dish and chill in fridge before serving The third and final dip for this mezze is baba ganoush, a dip made from aubergine. Ostensibly it's a weird one but it is particularly nice and simple to make. Ingredients: 2 medium to large aubergines 2 to 2 tbsp tahini 2 to 3 tbsp olive oil 3 or 4 garlic cloves pinch of salt juice from a whole lemon (I only used three quarters) Method: Preheat oven to 220 °C (425 °F). Prick eggplants with a fork and roast whole on a baking tray for 30–40 min, turning occasionally, until skin is charred and flesh is very soft. Let eggplants cool slightly, then scoop out the flesh into a bowl. Discard the skin. Mash with a fork or blend lightly in a food processor with tahini, olive oil, lemon juice, crushed garlic, and salt until smooth but still slightly textured. Taste and add more lemon, salt, or garlic if needed. Drizzle with olive oil and sprinkle with parsley, smoked paprika, or pomegranate seeds. As with the taramasalata, the baba ganoush improved flavours overnight. In addition to the dips we will be adding some pan fried halloumi, some olives and chopped tomatoes and some greek stype flat breads